Sometimes I struggle with thinking that I don’t have enough. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough happiness… The list is long and gets overwhelming very fast. To compensate, I pile on more things, more activities, more exit doors that continue to keep me from diving deep into what I am really feeling and why I am sensing this “not-enoughness”. Through my avoidance of facing my fears and deep needs, I continue on in a cycle of unhappy unawareness. Feeding my lack and bringing me to the state of despair.
How do we identify and overcome these self-destructive battles? Here’s a method I have been working with
Step 1: Sit and listen. When these feelings come up, figure out what is driving them. Is it something someone told you long ago that you have been carrying along as extra baggage? Or is it truly a lack of something? food, money, heat, shelter, love? In many ways, the physical items in our lives that are lacking are EASIER to deal with and tackle than the mental. Unfortunately, most of the time, the lacking sensations are derived from emotions and memories that we hold onto that we cannot shed. Triggers of words, events, people bring them up for us continually over the years and until we become aware of the issues and the triggers, we cannot escape nor shed this baggage.
Step 2: Identify. Once you have looks deeply inside of yourself, you have come to put your finger on to what the root cause of this baggage is. For me, my feelings on not having and not being enough is a result of my parents pushing me to be better than I already was, but with no acknowledgement of my process and past accomplishments. They meant no harm and merely wanted me to be the best I could be, but for me, their methods worked in the opposite manner. Instead of driving me to achieve greater and greater things, I became withdrawn and uncertain of my choices and actions. Stuck.
Step 3: Forgive. This is probably one of the hardest things in this process. But you need to be able to forgive those whom you feel have harmed. The easiest thing to do at this stage is to hold others accountable for your actions and reactions. Because someone may have harmed you doesn’t mean you should hold onto your reactions 20 years later. THAT is your choice and THAT is why you might suffer in the ways that you do.
Step 4: Move on. Find words, people, actions, meditations, energy to help you move beyond the harm you have inflicted on yourself. For me, the best thing I am hearing is the constant re-affirmation “I am enough.” Some days I say this to myself over and over. Through a generous helping of self-love and respect, you can begin to heal. Surround yourself with people who understand and with whom you can share your truest self.
Most certainly, the practice of Yoga and Meditation can help. These Eastern modalities of treatment address the physical, mental, and spiritual self, helping to re-program the brain and the body. Once you identify the cause and form new patterns and cycles and behaviors, the healing can begin. It takes time and effort. Don’t be afraid of new-found emotions of anger and sadness. Be patient. Be you. And remember to affirm: “I am Enough. Just the way that I am.”