As I near my half-century mark, I am finally at a comfortable place in my life. I don’t mean that I have a nice house and cushy job, fancy car, copious money…, what I mean is that I am coming to peace with myself. There is still a lot of work to do, but I have come a long way over the past few years.
For years, in my teens and twenties, I struggled. I had eating disorders, low self-esteem, depression and am now facing the consequences of all of that. Physically and mentally I am now cleaning it all up. It has taken years to being this process and I don’t know if I will ever finish, but day-by-day, I make clearings in my life. My body and my mind. It’s a long and difficult process, but the consequences are worth the pain.
I can smile. And laugh. I can now look at another person in the eyes and not cower in the shame of their judgement. I feel like I have discovered some deep and “true” self that has been hiding within me since before I can recall.
Part of the process of cleaning and clearing has been the discovery, some 15 years ago now, of a host of food issues, from celiac disease to many food intolerances (corn, soy, dairy, tree nuts, peanuts, egg) and cross-reactivities. And yet another BIG part of this journey has been yoga.
I began practicing yoga about 12 years ago. I found that no other thing released and renewed my body as did yoga. I was facing giving up running altogether at the time as I went from one injury to another, which no Physical Therapist, Massage Therapist nor Orthopedic Doctor could help nor resolve. The only thing that worked was yoga. I began watching, maniacally, Yoga Zone and I became hooked. When I had the opportunity, I became a Yoga Alliance certified yoga instructor. I had the intention of deepening my own practice, but not one of teaching.
Soon after I graduated, I knew that I had found something that I needed to share. I began teaching 5 years ago and since that time have also become a certified Baptiste Power Yoga Instructor. What I love about the Baptiste methodology is the combination on asana (the poses, which first drew me to the practice), meditation (which I do daily to re-organize my scattered brain), and inquiry.
Through the lessons I have learned in the week-long bootcamps and continued exploration, I continue to remove the rocks that block me from my True North. I still am challenged to be true to myself and face many other challenges daily. But I am more and more aware.
What this practice of inquiry has brought to me is the ability to share and be a stand for others in ways that I have never known. In this process of giving, I receive ten-fold what I give. I am rewarded daily for merely giving of myself. And it is in this giving that I find the comfort. I have found comfort to be and “be for” and realize my greatest potential for my life. I have found a comfort in my own skin.